Rock-Paper-Scissors vs. Coin Flip vs. Eeny Meeny: We Ranked Every Way Humans Avoid Making Real Decisions

Photo: friends playing rock paper scissors laughing fun group decision, via wallpapers.com

Decision-making is hard. Owning your choices is harder. That's why humanity — in its infinite, beautiful laziness — has spent thousands of years inventing increasingly elaborate ways to make randomness do the work for us.

We at Eenyakee have taken it upon ourselves to rank every major decision-making game in existence. This is the definitive tier list. It is final. It is law. Do not @ us (but also please @ us, we love the engagement).

We also asked our readers to send in their most chaotic decision-making stories, and you people did not disappoint. Those tales are scattered throughout this list as cautionary legends.

The Tier System, Explained

S Tier: Iconic. Unimpeachable. A gift to civilization. A Tier: Solid, reliable, used by people who have their lives mostly together. B Tier: Fine. It works. Nobody's excited about it. C Tier: You're using this to avoid accountability and we both know it. F Tier: A cry for help disguised as a game.

Let's get into it.

S TIER: Eeny Meeny Miny Moe

Obviously. You knew this was coming. Did you expect anything less from a website literally named after a counting rhyme?

But here's the thing — eeny meeny earns its spot at the top. It's democratic. It's theatrical. It requires zero materials. It scales from two people to twelve. It comes with its own soundtrack. It has survived three centuries of human progress without needing a single update, which is more than we can say for most apps.

Reader submission that perfectly captures its power: "My entire friend group of seven people used eeny meeny to decide who was driving to Coachella. The rhyme landed on Marcus. Marcus didn't even want to go. He went anyway. He met his now-fiancée in the parking lot. They're getting married in June. Eeny meeny changed his life." — @desertmiranda, Phoenix, AZ

That's not a decision-making game. That's a destiny engine.

S TIER: Rock-Paper-Scissors

A true classic and an absolute workhorse. Rock-paper-scissors has been resolving disputes since at least the 17th century in Asia and has spread globally because it is perfect. It's fast, it requires no equipment, and it introduces just enough strategy (are they going to throw rock again?? they always throw rock) to make you feel like you have agency even when you don't.

Celebrities swear by it more than you'd think. Reports have circulated for years that various Hollywood directors use RPS to settle on-set disagreements. There are actual professional Rock-Paper-Scissors tournaments in the US. The World RPS Society exists and has a website. We're living in the best timeline.

Bonus: it's the go-to for any two-person standoff, making it the perfect complement to eeny meeny's group-dynamic strengths. Together, they cover basically every social situation known to humankind.

A TIER: The Coin Flip

The coin flip is the business casual of decision-making tools. It gets the job done. It's universally understood. Nobody's going to question the coin flip. It lacks the theatrical energy of eeny meeny or the psychological warfare of RPS, but it's dependable in a way that feels almost parental.

Fun fact that will break your brain a little: research from Stanford suggests that a flipped coin actually lands on the same face it started on slightly more than 50% of the time due to physics. So the coin flip is not even entirely random. It's just mostly random. Which is honestly a metaphor for free will if you want to spiral about it.

Best use case: breaking ties. Deciding between two equally good options. Determining who has to make the awkward phone call to the restaurant about the reservation.

A TIER: Drawing Straws (or Picking Numbers)

Underestimated. Deeply underrated. Drawing straws is the introvert's decision-making tool — it happens quietly, without performance, and then it's done. No chanting, no hand gestures, just the quiet dignity of someone getting the short straw and accepting their fate.

Reader submission: "We drew straws to decide who was bringing chips to the Super Bowl party. I drew short. I brought seven bags of different chips because I panicked at the grocery store. Nobody was mad." — @chipcrisis_2024, Columbus, OH

This is what peak chip performance looks like and we respect it.

B TIER: Spinning a Bottle (For Decisions, Not Just That)

Look, the bottle spin is fine. It's got flair. It's got spin (literally). But it requires a bottle, a flat surface, and everyone sitting in a circle, which is a lot of logistical overhead for what is ultimately just a pointer. It works great at parties. It works terribly in a Chipotle when you can't decide between burrito and bowl.

Context-dependent. B tier is fair.

C TIER: The Pros-and-Cons List

Oh, you sweet, deluded soul. You think the pros-and-cons list is a decision-making tool. It is not. It is a procrastination device wearing a productivity costume. You will write the list, weigh the columns, and then do whatever you wanted to do in the first place — except now you've spent 45 minutes on it and you have a false sense of having been logical.

We've all been there. We're not judging. We're just calling it C tier.

C TIER: Asking "What Do You Want to Do?"

This is not a game. This is not a system. This is two people standing in a parking lot for 20 minutes saying "I don't know, what do you want to do?" until someone gets hungry enough to make an actual choice. The entire concept of eeny meeny exists specifically to rescue humanity from this situation. Use your resources.

F TIER: Making a Decision App on Your Phone

We know. We KNOW. They're right there on the app store. "Random Decision Maker." "Spin the Wheel." "Decide Now." And look, we don't hate the hustle. But here's the thing: by the time you've unlocked your phone, opened the app, typed in your options, and waited for it to load, you could have done eeny meeny four times and been halfway through your burrito already.

Technology is wonderful. But not everything needs to be an app. Some things are better as a rhyme.

F TIER: Asking Your Horoscope

Your Gemini rising does not know whether you should take the job in Austin. We say this with love.

The Final Verdict

Here's what all of this reveals about us as a species: we want to give up control sometimes. We want permission to let fate take the wheel. And the tools we trust most aren't the most sophisticated ones — they're the ones that feel fair, communal, and just a little bit magical.

Eeny meeny has all of that. It always has. That's why it's still here, three centuries later, chanted by kindergartners on playgrounds and grown adults who cannot decide where to eat dinner.

The algorithm will never replace it. The app will never beat it. And honestly? We wouldn't have it any other way.

Got a chaotic decision-making story? Drop it in the comments. We read every single one.